'Grass Is Not Greener' Reports Prosperous Neighbor

During recent remarks to the press, Peter Harrison of Salem asserted that the grass in Rex and Sarah Fenwick’s yard, plainly visible through a two-rail fence separating their adjacent properties, was absolutely not greener than the grass in his own yard.

Harrison, 43, further stated that the Fenwick lawn should not even qualify for consideration as “green”, given the preponderance of weeds, crabgrass, and bare patches that dominate the 0.13 acre parcel of land.

“I don’t know them that well, but they certainly don’t seem to put any effort into improving the appearance of their yard. I mean, I don’t really like yard work either, but that’s why we use a service”, said the Associate Director of Synergy at his father’s marketing firm.

“My wife says that the husband lost his job and that they have a couple of kids in college, but you’d think that with all of that spare time on his hands, he would have the common courtesy to fast-track a focused lawn appearance upgrade initiative.

“I mean, I have to look at that mess when I’m not at the office, our beach house, the club, or on the boat”, Harrison continued. “At least they mow it, I shudder to think what would happen if it goes into foreclosure. That would represent a serious quality of life issue for me.”

When reached for comment, a representative for the Fenwick family said, “Is Harrison the one whose wife gets serviced by the LawnMaster team three times a week ? The first time I heard that I thought someone was killing a hyena in their pool cabana.”


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