Man Remembered As Outstanding Networker, Mediocre Worker

At a wake for Al Petersen, the deceased was fondly remembered as a charming, likable man with a long list of friends and associates, whom Petersen relied on for job leads throughout a career marked by sub-par performance and recurring layoffs and terminations.

“Ol’ Al, that guy could really light up a room”, remembered former colleague Jim Collins. “At Logan (Industries), we were a pretty quiet bunch, but when Al came on board, within a few days he had us going out to lunch and getting together on the weekends. Boy, those were good times. But then, it turned out that he accidentally left a copy of a proposal for Findlay Iron at some bar, and somehow the boys at Webco got ahold of it, and they beat us out of that contract that we had in the bag. When Old Man Logan found out, why he fired Al on the spot”.

Sarah Martinelli was the HR manager at Amalgamated Trusses, who recalled being impressed by Petersen during a job interview. “I had just been promoted to management, and Al ended up being the first person I hired. I remember being so struck by his energy and enthusiasm for personnel work. Mind you, he wasn’t a young man, but you would have thought he was a brand new college graduate. He wasn’t even the most qualified person for the job, but his soft skills were off the chart, so I brought him in.

“Unfortunately, a few months later Al accidentally threw away a list of all of our employees’ names, social security numbers, and birthdays, and apparently some dumpster divers used it to commit a massive identity theft. It was an honest mistake, but business was starting to go bad so I had to let him go shortly afterwards.”

Petersen perished last week after being electrocuted on the job at Woodruff Electrical Supply, where he had recently started working. Witnesses reported that Petersen spilled a cup of coffee into a fax machine while attempting to fax an email to a customer.

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