Achilles Tendon Proves To Be Achilles’ Achilles Heel

Popular mixed martial arts fighter Achilles Rionitis was forced to tap out (retire) from last night’s match with Silas “Psycho” Andrews after suffering a devastating Achilles tendon injury.

Rionitis suffered what doctors described as a completely ruptured right Achilles tendon, caused by a traumatic, forced dorsiflexion of the right ankle due to repeated, blunt force blows sustained during the third round of the match.

In post-fight comments, the pugilist, standing with the aid of crutches and his handlers, reflected on the fight’s unexpected outcome and the freakish injury he sustained. “I was doing pretty good, I think I was winning on points, but I slipped on some blood in the third, and the next thing I knew, he had me pinned in this awkward position, then he started stomping on the back of my leg. It was really painful, then there was this loud, popping sound and much more pain. When that happened, I knew I had to tap.

“It’s really weird, you know, I’ve never trained so hard as I did for this fight. I started a whole new training regimen, designed to strenghten every part of my body. I guess the one area that we neglected was the back of my legs. I’ve never seen anyone suffer this kind of injury in MMA, and never seen anyone attack that part of the body. I guess that’s what so great about our sport, just when you think you’ve seen it all, there’s always something new.”

In his post-fight press conference, Andrews remarked, “It just sort of happened. I had that guy pinned, but it wasn’t really going anywhere. Then I saw his leg, and I just started whaling on it. It seemed to hurt him, so I just kept at it. Then, there was this awesome popping sound, it was like, um, I don’t know, some dude’s Achilles tendon rupturing. Next thing I knew, ref was holding my hand in the air.”

When reporters confirmed to Andrews that Rionitis had, in fact, suffered a ruptured Achilles tendon, Andrews commented, “That makes sense”.

Asked to speculate on his future, Rionitis said emphatically, “I’ll definitely be back. I think I’m the perfect fighter, I have no glaring weaknesses. Except for my Achilles tendons, I guess. But what are the odds of anyone ever trying that sort of attack again?”

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