Chet Melrose was notified today that he had been misusing the term ‘Passive Aggressive’ to describe Pittsburgh Steeler defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau’s blitz-heavy approach to pass defense.
The revelation came in a screaming tirade delivered by Melrose’s wife, Cathy. In addition to providing a concise definition of the personality trait, Cathy Melrose provided numerous examples of her own passive-aggressive behavior, primarily triggered by her husband’s decade-long malapropisms.
“For the last four or five years, every time he would describe the Steeler’s defense as ‘passive aggressive’, I would cough really loudly, or simulate gagging, or do some other gesture”, she explained after the incident. “He’d always say ‘Catchin’ a cold hon?’, or ‘Yeah, it’s a suffocating “D” ain’t it?’.”
“When he said ‘I think Lebeau’s getting too old, he’s not passive-aggressive enough anymore’, I just lost my mind. I kind of feel bad about laying into him so much, but Jeez, he’s 53 years old. How could he have lived this long without being exposed to this concept?”
When reached for comment, Chet Melrose was philosophical. “It’s probably something Cathy read in one of her romance books. She’s going through the change-of-life, so she hasn’t been herself lately. My buddies know what I’m talking about, so I’ll just have to watch what I say around her for a while.”
The Phonyon 