Masochist Being Treated For Addiction To Paincausers

Noted masochist Lee Conrad will enter the Golden Horizons Treatment Center to address his debilitating dependence on prescription paincausers, a tearful Conrad revealed today.

“Following my rotator cuff surgery last year, initially I was in agony following the procedure. It was great”, Conrad explained. “But after a few days, the pain began to subside, and within a few weeks the shoulder, while weak, no longer provided me with either the constant pre-surgical ache or the post-surgical throb. I got a brief reprieve when the physical therapy started, when there was lots of scar tissue to break through, which was quite painful, but even that went away. I was becoming desperate.”

“After speaking with Dr. Killman about the problem, he prescribed Achium, which takes a couple of weeks to build up in the system. It worked well, but it caused tremors and diarrhea, so he switched me over Tormenia. That was so-so, but it just wasn’t getting the job done. He was reluctant to up the dosage, because it can cause liver damage. That’s when I made the fateful decision of going to Dr. Kwak. I did not disclose my ongoing treatment, so he prescribed a pretty strong dosage of Miserol. Well, let me tell you, that stuff packs quite a wallop.”

“This combination of the two drugs was a potent cocktail, and I was in constant agony and ecstasy”, Conrad continued. “Unfortunately, the drugs began to take their toll. I started missing work.  I would spend entire days curled up in the fetal position, when I should have been out there meeting with clients. In my line of work (sales), appearance is everything. While I would much rather get a facial beating than rely on artificial substances, I can’t show up to customers with a couple of black eyes or missing teeth. And obviously, one can’t take an unlimited number of kicks to the crotch without suffering permanent damage.”

“Anyway, the whole thing became unsustainable. When I would show up in the office, my screaming and the tears rolling down my cheeks were really disruptive, and as I understand, made people uncomfortable. Eventually, Jack (boss Thomas) had to intervene, which I would like to personally thank him for doing, and especially for not just firing me. You’re a great friend and boss Jack”.

With this heartfelt sentiment, Conrad was overcome with emotion and was escorted from the lectern by his wife Sheila. Jack Thomas then briefly addressed the gathering.

“While I can’t relate directly to Lee’s addiction, I think it is important for us all to support him during this difficult time. It may be tempting for us to look down on behaviors that we don’t understand, but it’s really not our job to judge others. For instance, I am a cuckold, which others might find humiliating or embarrassing, but it works for our relationship. And thanks to the miracle-workers at Golden Horizons, we’ve learned to accept that Lisa (his wife) can’t endure gang-bangs day after day. We’ve learned moderation. I know that Lee too will come out the other side of this a better man.”

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