Causal Friday Canceled After Multiple Fistfights Break Out

Job Creator Ferg Hermler announced today that he was suspending his experimental “Causal Friday” theme day at HermCo Bushings, following several altercations that occurred among staffers during the Root Cause Analysis that was supposed to the centerpiece of the motivational event.

“I should have known something was wrong when they (the takers) all showed up wearing dungarees and sport shirts, instead of proper business attire”, Hermler explained. “I got them all together in the conference room, and I asked them to go around the table and discuss something that went wrong at work this week and why they thought it had happened.

“Well, no one would say anything at first, so I mentioned the mixup with the Allied Starter account, and Eric (Radcliffe) immediately shouted ‘Hey, I told Jimmy (Herald) that he needed to verify the quantities with them’, and then Herald jumped up and yelled ‘I don’t work for you, do it yourself you lazy SOB instead of screwing Connie (Gelendez) in your car at lunch’.

“Next thing I knew, they were rolling around on the floor, they were both getting in some pretty good licks. People tried to separate them, but meanwhile, Gretchen (Chambers, Radcliffe’s girlfriend) came in and just walloped Connie, so then we had a catfight on our hands as well.

“It’s not what I was expecting, it was supposed to improve these 47 percenter’s morale, but instead it somehow brought some simmering resentments to the surface.”

Hermler learned of theme-days while skimming through an article on employee motivation in Delta Sky Magazine during a recent business trip, and was inspired to implement the concept in an attempt to increase HermCo worker productivity. Morale has reportedly been low since Hermler instituted a 3.6 % pay cut for all workers to offset the increase in marginal income tax rates that he will experience in 2013.

“I’m not sure what went wrong with this one, but I’m willing to try again. The article, as I recall, had a few other suggestions that sounded interesting, including ‘Talk Like I’m Irate Day’, ‘Phony Hat Day’, and ‘Bring Your China To Work Day’, (wife) Gladys will love that one, she’s crazy about the Wedgwood”.

Advertisements

Unlike the Onion, we will tolerate your feedback...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s