Breaking News: Explosion Down At The Ol’ Puppy Mill

An explosion occurred minutes ago at Monsanto’s HVCP (High Volume Canine Production) Puppy Mill located outside of Salem, the entire complex is reportedly engulfed in flames.

The facility is involved in the design, breeding, growth, and storage of puppies for domestic and international commercial and residential applications. Details on the fate of approximately 75 employees and an estimated two million puppies are unavailable.

A person familiar with the operation, speaking under condition of anonymity, offered several possible causes for explosions at high-volume puppy mills. They include:

  • A spark causing flash ignition of the ultra-dense cloud of puppy dust that collects in the puppy elevator
  • A leak in the fuel supply system for the gas-fueled puppy drying oven
  • An explosion of the highly nitrogenous puppy waste that is collected, processed into fertilizer, and stored on the site

Updates will be posted as details become available.

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