National Steak Association Denounces Gandhi Book

The National Steak Association issued a scathing indictment of author George Valentine’s upcoming biography of the iconic Indian Nationalist leader Mohandas Gandhi, calling it a “grossly inaccurate” portrayal of Gandhi’s position on vegetarianism.

“This book is a typical vegist screed, it reads like a 400 page apology for Gandhi’s fascist-like advocacy of vegetarianism”, NSA Senior Vice President Wayne LaMaurice told the assembled press corps.

“The book ‘claims’ that Gandhi’s vegetarianism was a personal choice and served as a complement to his overall spiritual awakening during his years in London. In reality, the underlying goal of universal vegetarianism was behind all of his so-called ‘humanitarian’ efforts from day one until his death”, LaMaurice continued.

“These unchecked, anti-meat diatribes, perpetuated by the vegetarian elite, are an existential threat to our way of life and our Constitutional right to eat arms!”, a visibly agitated LaMaurice exclaimed, abruptly ending the press conference.

Following his outburst, the perspiring LaMaurice, 54, whose LDL (“bad”) cholesterol is estimated to be around 240, complained of numbness in his left arm and moderate chest pains. He was taken to a local urgent steak facility, where he was reportedly dining comfortably.

 

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