The Phonyon Apologizes

Dear Readers,

Yesterday, in our relentless quest to keep America informed, we reported that the Monsanto Puppy Mill in Salem had exploded, and that the entire complex was engulfed in flames.

As we now know, the multiple eyewitness accounts that we relied on for our initial reporting were inaccurate, and in fact, the facility was instead partially obscured by a combination of swamp gas and fog.

While we are happy to report that all workers and puppies are safe and accounted for, this rare lapse in journalistic quality leaves us profoundly shaken, embarrassed, and deeply apologetic.

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, inaccurate story masquerading as news.

The story will remain posted as our “Scarlet Letter”, forever reminding us of our shame. We have instituted new and tighter reporting verification procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.

In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible.

Monsanto, you are mature and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Phonyon are deeply sorry.

The Phonyon Staff

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