Somewhere on the Earth, a first-rate narcissist smoothed the few remaining rough edges of a dazzling vignette, spell-checked the soon-to-be premiered masterpiece, viewed the polished gem through the jeweler’s loop that is WordPress’ Preview feature, nodded with smug self-satisfaction from his or her grimy little hovel or grand manor, then dramatically clicked the Publish button, collapsing in exhaustion but flush with anticipation of the accolades that were sure to follow.
Within moments, all of the dedication and craftsmanship was rewarded as the Notification icon shone brightly as the midday sun. Ahh, sweet lady validation, thought the narcissist. Addictive as heroin, but impossible to overdose.
Much to the vain human’s surprise, a site that professed to be an aggregator of New Age health information liked the post and was now following the font of knowledge and insight. Interesting that others devote energy to creating spam sites on WordPress, thought the self-absorbed scribe derisively.
As minutes passed, the narcissist’s demeanor began to deteriorate. Stupid WordPress has been acting strangely, caching pages, failing to fully load others, were the right tags and categories selected? The post showed up in the right categories, but its been 30 minutes and gratification was being delayed, which was not the expectation or purpose of the exercise.
At press time, sources reported to the Phonyon that the maudlin maven was vacillating between classifying humanity as a herd of Philistines who could not appreciate such an avant-garde creation, or simply channeling his or her inner Frank Zappa by identifying the species as a bunch of Treacherous Cretins.