Man Bad With Names, Faces

Salem man Lee Chadwick confessed to occasional difficulty recalling the names of people he has met, but reiterated that he never remembers a face, witnesses reported today.

“I’m not always good with names, but I always forget a face”, Chadwick revealed to a group of strangers that, each of whom, he had met on several occasions in a variety of business and social settings.

“That guy in my building Lee, who never recognizes me at the mailbox, finally came clean about it”, explained neighbor Peggy McDonald after the announcement. “He’s always acting like he remembers our brief conversations, but it’s obvious he doesn’t know me from Adam.

“Just the other day, I said to him ‘You look a little happier than the last time I saw you’, and he was obviously dumbfounded”, McDonald continued. “The previous day, I had been out getting the mail and he trudged up soaking wet because his car died and he had walked home. He just stammered something like ‘Uh…yes…definitely more happy…right now’. Maybe he has some sort of brain abnormality that prevents him from storing facial memory”, McDonald speculated.

Chadwick has developed alternate, if not terribly reliable, techniques for recognizing people, the most successful of which is a gait/hair color/gender combination mnemonic. Using this system, he reliably recognizes acquaintances Sue Garrett as “Limpy/Red-Haired/Lady” and Von Patterson as “Waddly/Grey-Haired/Man”, provided they are not stationary.

Chadwick acknowledged the limitations of this system, as well as the disadvantages his recognition and recall problems present.

“But I never forget an odor”, he offered enthusiastically.


Unlike the Onion, we will tolerate your feedback...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s