“Getting Struck By Lightning Sucks” Proclaims Man Recently Struck By Lightning

Salem man Eric Carter expressed his dislike for being struck by lightning today, shortly after being released from Salem Memorial Hospital just hours after the potentially fatal electrocution.

“It’s not nearly as cool as it sounds”, Carter confessed. “It looks awesome when people in movies or TV get struck by lightning, but mainly its just hurts. And I wasn’t all soot-covered and smoldering, I was just laying in a bush all of a sudden, with my clothes like half-gone.”

Carter, 24, was working at an East Salem home as a furniture mover, one of three part-time jobs that he holds, when the incident occurred.

Based upon his injuries, doctors hypothesized that Carter was a victim of a “side-splash” lightning strike. In such cases, a nearby object, in this case the moving truck, receives the initial strike, then the electrical surface charge arcs across an air gap and travels to ground on or through the victim.

“The doctors say I’m OK. I’ve got some first-degree burns on my back and legs, but they couldn’t find any internal injuries. They did an EKG and a CT scan, and everything checked out OK. I was really disoriented right afterwards, but I don’t think I blacked out. I still feel weird, I feel like taking a nap. I think I’ll call in sick tonight”, Carter continued, referring to his second part-time job as a security guard.

“I guess I’m glad to be alive and all that, but basically my life is no different than it was when I got up this morning after getting two hours sleep. I still live with my parents, I still have $25,000 in student loan debt, I’ve still got a business management degree and work three crappy jobs that are getting me nowhere. At least I’m on my parents insurance, I’m sure today’s little medical adventure would have cost me about $10,000 otherwise”, Carter said with resignation.

At press time, Carter was struggling to recall the details of the event and fashion them into a coherent, compelling tweet.


Unlike the Onion, we will tolerate your feedback...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s