University Of Scottsdale Offers First Degree Program Via Twitter

For-profit educational upstart the University of Scottsdale will offer the first ever bachelor’s degree program that can be completed entirely through the use of the social media platform Twitter, representatives of the university announced today.

Beginning in June 2013, prospective students can pursue a B.A. in Synergy, with an emphasis in either Applied or Theoretical Synergy, using the popular social media tool. The entire curriculum, including projects, discussions, and exams, will be completed through a combination of tweets, retweets, and judicious hashtag assignment.

The interdisciplinary degree, offered jointly by the schools of Business, Communications, and Metaphysics, will feature a senior capstone project in which student cohorts (groups of students who work together throughout the program) will design and implement internet memes.

The program is geared towards the busy, short attention span working professional, entry-level employee, or vagrant possessing $30,000 or the ability to qualify for Federal student financial aid or the ScottieBucks student loan program.

The degree can be completed in as little as two months through the use of University of Scottsdale’s innovative “Life Lessons” plan, which offers credit for prior life experience. The cost of the program is the same, regardless of the number of Life Lessons credits a student is awarded.

The use of Twitter is expected to appeal to so-called “atypical” students, who often find the constraints of scheduled class times, proprietary online learning portals, and lengthy reading and writing assignments to be overwhelming impediments to achieving their educational goals. The university expects to offer other academic programs via Twitter in the future, should the concept prove to be successful in this trial implementation.

Home of the Scotties

Home of the Scotties

University of Scottsdale’s Professor @JoshB described the program as “Like cool, I guess… you know, whatever”, as he furiously keyed-in some sort of communique through his phone.

“I’m sorry, did you need something?”, he added, looking up momentarily from the device.

Recently, the university has suffered several high-profile public-relations blunders. It has been plagued by cheating scandals, charges of exploiting Federal tuition assistance benefits for veterans, and accused of grade inflation, including the use of special characters Å (A+++) and Ä (A++) to indicate exceptionally high achievement.

Nonetheless, the university insists that it is possible to deliver, via Twitter, a world-class educational experience that is recognized by both the business world and academia, while providing exceptional value and convenience for its students.

“Like our mascot, the Scottie, our students are an independent and rugged breed, with a wiry outer coat and a soft, dense undercoat”, explained Dr. Destinee St.Cloud, director of the Synergy program. “We don’t just let anyone in. Students admitted to this program will understand that this is a non-traditional approach, and that we all will have to work together to make this effort a success. And make no mistake, we will succeed. Most of us (the faculty) are alumni, and just like Scottish Terriers, we are territorial, feisty and loyal.”

“Unfortunately, we are also prone to bleeding disorders, joint problems, autoimmune diseases, allergies, and cancer”, Dr. St. Cloud noted inexplicably as she limped away.

The University of Scottsdale is fully accredited by


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