Donald Draper Has A Substance Abuse Problem, Claims Sophomore Psychology Major

Emily Hutchinson, a student majoring in psychology at Salem University, announced her diagnosis of a chronic dependency on alcohol and tobacco as exhibited by the mercurial protagonist of the critically-acclaimed television drama Mad Men, multiple sources reported today.

Hutchinson, 19, who will be a sophomore in the Fall 2013 semester and plans to pursue substance abuse counseling as her vocation, offered a compelling argument to support her contentions regarding the restless, tormented fictional character.

“Have you ever watched that show?”, inquired Hutchinson, who began watching the award-winning series in season six after learning that graduate teaching assistant Justin Rogers was a fan. “Like, everyone is always drinking? I mean, in the middle of the day? At the office? After every tense, multi-layered exchange with another principal character? OMG. Don just can’t go on like this.”

“And the smoking is like, non-stop. It’s so gross”, she added.

Hutchinson theorized that Draper’s traumatic childhood, his literal assumption of another man’s identity, and the permissive social mores of the late 1960’s helped fuel the non-existent person’s compulsive, self-destructive behavior. Furthermore, she speculated, an entrenched professional and familial structure that condoned, reinforced, and even rewarded his narcissistic, self-indulgent excesses only compounded the problem.

“Like last week, we saw how even his family totally enables his illness. His son Bobby, in the camp’s cafeteria, offering to call the waiter to get him a drink? Or ex-wife Betty nonchalantly asking him if he found (at a liquor store) a bottle? These are telltale signs of codependency.

“He totally has a classic addictive personality, I mean it’s right out of Psych 101”, insisted the woman who just earned a B+ in Psych 102 during the recently completed Spring 2013 semester.

Hutchinson also highlighted Draper’s experimentation with illegal narcotics and acceptance of mysterious chemical cocktails dispensed by physicians of questionable repute as potential complications in upcoming episodes.

“With everything we know today, like we could totally treat his disorder”, Hutchinson ruminated. “If it was like, possible, to reach out to him? And to help him understand and explore the root causes of his dissatisfaction? And the obvious aching void in his soul? I know I could totally help him to become a happier, better-adjusted person”.

At press time Hutchinson, through the vagaries of the space-time continuum, found herself in 1968 in a Manhattan hotel, alone, sipping a Canadian Club she didn’t want and smoking a cigarette, filled with a desperate, indescribable longing for some unobtainable goal following a passionate but somewhat disturbing sexual encounter with Draper.


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