The nation’s social elite are courageously substituting the letter “S” for the letter “Z”, in yet another pioneering stylistic endeavor that will undoubtedly influence the course of human events for the next several generations.
In cutting-edge hipster havens such as Williamsburg Brooklyn, San Francisco’s Mission District, and West Salem, cultural mavens have rapidly embraced the practice, often referred to as “sedding”, as a bold, artistic statement of identity and exclusivity.
Following the widespread repudiation of the so-called Alternate Pluralization Schema (replacement of the pluralizing letter “S” with “Z”, as in “shoez”) that peaked in popularity in 2006, the nation’s leading communicators had reportedly searched in vain for several years to identify an innovative new mode of affected, esoteric self-expression.
Sedding, which takes its name from the British English term “zed” (the pronunciation of supplanted letter’s name), has experienced a viral pattern of adoption since last Friday, when @SackR (formerly @ZackR1988) relaunched his personal brand, in the first documented instance of intentional sedding.
Soey and Sach B., West Salem residents and early embracers of the nascent convention, expressed their infatuation with the groundbreaking technique in passionate, non-verbal statements.
“#sedding perfectly captures the seitgeist of our times”, Soey, 21, a soology major at Salem University wrote on her Twitter feed @SoeySoo. “I just bought the most awesome Sebra-print bag at Suckerman’s”, the influential young woman also notified her devoted followers.
Sach B., 23, a freelance object designer and raconteur, attempted to describe the irresistible appeal of sedding in a Facebook posting on the topic. “Im a designer yall where u see a cardboard box I see a canvas that is covered with a sig-sag pattern of dayglo colors in different sones filled with sodiac signs the hole time listen to a mashup of sydeco played on a sither by the son of Samfir if u cant feel me u nevr undertand sedding aint H8tin just how it is”.
While experts accept that sedding’s omnipresence in all forms of written English communications within the next two weeks is a foregone conclusion, contrarians have decried the practice as yet another pointless, arbitrary attack on the canons of written language.
“Popular language conventions do evolve over time, but these ridiculous affectations just encourage people to take further liberties with grammar and spelling, all the while making the language less precise and potentially altering the meaning and ability to infer an author’s intent vis-à-vis their work”, according to Professor Shirley Adams of Salem University.
Adams, according to Soey, who took her English composition class last semester, really needs a good, hard sooming.
When asked to summarize the allure of sedding in one sentence, Sach B. texted “It rly gvs my wrtng sum pissass”, perfectly encapsulating the sentiments of cognoscenti everywhere.