Breaking News: Royal Baby To Be Named ‘Barkevious Waldo Wales’

In a move that has sent shock waves throughout the royal families of Europe and among commoners alike, Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge defied expectations and convention by giving their newborn son, third in line to the British throne, the highly unexpected name Barkevious Waldo Wales.

Royal watchers credit the unusual first name to the Prince, who is reportedly a fan of American college football, in particular the Louisiana State University Tigers. It is believed that the name is a tribute to Barkevious Mingo, a former LSU standout who will begin his professional career this year with the NFL’s Cleveland Browns.

Barkevious Waldo Wales

Barkevious Waldo Wales and mother

“I daresay, the Prince has been absolutely enthralled by American football, ever since he upgraded to the Sky Sports & Movies HD package”, explained a member of the royal family’s personal staff, who spoke under condition of anonymity. “He got a crackin’ great deal, he did”, the insider added.

The source further confirmed that the middle name Waldo is Catherine’s contribution, in honor of her favorite writer, the noted 19th-century essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson. Apparently the middle name was selected because it was Emerson’s middle name as well, but more importantly, the mono-syllabic Ralph “didn’t sound right” when combined with the four syllables of the first name.

The functionary emphatically insisted that the name was not drawn from the popular Where’s Waldo series of children’s book, noting that the books were originally titled Where’s Wally in the U.K.

While the royal family doesn’t typically use surnames due to their notoriety, for administrative purposes the infant will utilize Wales, as does his father and grandfather. According to the BBC, the other available options included Cambridge, the name of the Prince’s royal house, or Mountbatten-Windsor, a hyphenate of William’s grandparent’s last names.

The newborn’s name has been a source of intense speculation for months, with bookies reportedly accepting millions in bets in the days leading up to the long anticipated birth. Prior to the shocking announcement, the odds makers ranked James as the favorite at 2/1, with George and Henry each at 5/1. Members of the wagering community were incredulous in the aftermath of the stunning revelation.

“Bloody inbred wanker cost me twenty quid”, said bettor Geoff Winterbottom, a “George” proponent, shaking his head in disbelief.


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