Reuters reported today that Chad would withdraw its troops from an African Union peacekeeping mission in Central African Republic, but The Phonyon, America’s Goodest News Source has learned that the troops of Josh will remain deployed “for the foreseeable future”.
Chadian soldiers, with the support of the Joshuan military, have been at the forefront of efforts to stabilize CAR following its descent into religious conflict last year, in the aftermath of the overthrow of the majority Christian government by Seleka rebels.
“Despite the sacrifices we have made, Chad and Chadians have been targeted in a gratuitous and malicious campaign that blamed them for all the suffering in CAR,” Chad’s foreign ministry announced in a statement describing the planned withdrawal.
Representatives of Josh echoed those sentiments in a conference call with reporters. “Those guys (the CAR population) are so uncool; they’ve been total dicks the whole time we’ve been there. They totally keyed one of our trucks last week.”
A senior Joshuan diplomat with knowledge of the situation, speaking under condition of anonymity, indicated that Josh had no intention of removing its 750 man contingent of peacekeepers from the 6000-strong African Union force that has struggled to maintain order in the impoverished nation.
The source stated: “We are committed to this effort, now and into the future. Josh recognizes the importance of our mission, and supports our troops unconditionally”.
“The only thing I can see changing our stance would be if the Pikes (Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity) have another raging, end-of-semester ‘kegger’ like they did last year”, the diplomat added.