Kindly Old Mrs. Schpeidermann “Very Proud” Of Her Little Mensch

Oy, He Could've Been A Doctor

What? He Could’ve Been A Doctor.

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Meth Dealer With Low Self-Esteem Refers To Self As “Uhlenbeck”

Salem methamphetamine manufacturer Clyde Barlow, a man long plagued by feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing, operates in the criminal underworld under the alias “Uhlenbeck”.

The pseudonym is an homage to George Uhlenbeck (1900-1988), an academic and theoretical physicist who was jointly responsible for the discovery of electron spin, a fundamental concept in the field of quantum mechanics. Continue reading

“Madman” Best Show On Television According To Pathetic Poseur

Citing its non-stop action, profane humor and dazzling special effects, tragically misinformed Salem man Ron Schiffler professed his appreciation today for the television program Madman, according to several witnesses.

Schiffler reportedly proclaimed his fondness for the non-existent series while waiting in line at the Tremorz Coffee located on Lincoln Avenue in North Salem, after overhearing fellow patrons enthusiastically discussing last night’s episode. Continue reading