Chad To Withdraw Troops From Central African Republic, Josh’s Troops Will Remain

Reuters reported today that Chad would withdraw its troops from an African Union peacekeeping mission in Central African Republic, but The Phonyon, America’s Goodest News Source has learned that the troops of Josh will remain deployed “for the foreseeable future”.

Chadian soldiers, with the support of the Joshuan military, have been at the forefront of efforts to stabilize CAR following its descent into religious conflict last year, in the aftermath of the overthrow of the majority Christian government by Seleka rebels. Continue reading

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George W. Bush Finally Achieves Modest Professional Success As Major League Manager

In a career plagued by years of uneven results and dubious accomplishments, former Milwaukee Brewers manager and 43rd President of the United States George W. Bush has led the resurgent Kansas City Royals to their best season in years.

Bush, 67, who manages under the pseudonym “Ned Yost”, employed his trademark “manage-from-the-gut” leadership style to motivate the underdog team, which includes a mixture of blossoming young talents such as Eric Hosmer and Salvador Perez, veterans Alex Gordon and Billy Butler, and the stabilizing presence of a key off-season acquisition, pitcher James “Big Game James” Shields.

They hate us for our bullpen

They hate us for our bullpen

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A-Rod Victim Of Anti-Christian Conspiracy

Embattled New York Yankee’s slugger Alex Rodriguez has been victimized by an elaborate smear campaign targeting his deeply-held religious convictions, according to a source within the Rodriguez camp who spoke under condition of anonymity.a-rod-got-money

The “A-Rod” confidant reports that the superstar’s latest association with PEDs (Performance Enhancing Drugs) was leaked to the press in January 2013 by the owner of the implicated Biogenesis clinic, Anthony Bosch, who the source alleges is a senior leader of Al-Qaeda. Continue reading

Breaking News: Royal Baby To Be Named ‘Barkevious Waldo Wales’

In a move that has sent shock waves throughout the royal families of Europe and among commoners alike, Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge defied expectations and convention by giving their newborn son, third in line to the British throne, the highly unexpected name Barkevious Waldo Wales.

Royal watchers credit the unusual first name to the Prince, who is reportedly a fan of American college football, in particular the Louisiana State University Tigers. It is believed that the name is a tribute to Barkevious Mingo, a former LSU standout who will begin his professional career this year with the NFL’s Cleveland Browns. Continue reading

Morrissey Ousted From Egyptian Presidency

Egyptian president and alternative rock icon Morrissey was removed from power today by a military coup, according to numerous sources reporting from Cairo.

Morrissey, the first democratically elected president of Egypt following the toppling of Hosni Mubarak, was relieved of his duties after the expiration of a military-imposed 48-hour deadline to reach a power-sharing agreement with his detractors or to resign the presidency. It is unclear whether Morrissey was forcibly removed from power or left voluntarily. At present, his whereabouts and physical condition are unknown. Continue reading