Software Utility Sends Its Creator Spiraling Into Existential Crisis

The elapsed time indicator on a simple software tool has caused software engineer Bruce McLeod to develop a morbid fixation on the inexorable march of time, obsessively pondering his inevitable demise and the eternal nothingness that will follow.

McLeod, 42, created Activity Reminder to alert him when there was prolonged inactivity in his Remote Desktop session. The application detects mouse or keyboard activity, either of which will reset a timer. After five minutes of inactivity, and each minute thereafter, the application will generate increasingly strident alert sounds, prompting the user to provide input to ensure that the desktop does not lock. Continue reading

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ChimpMonkey Becomes First Company To Incorporate Two Primate Types In Name

High-tech startup ChimpMonkey made history yesterday when it became the first corporation to successfully combine two varieties of primate into its business name.

The company, which will provide a scalable, cloud-based synergy cluster infrastructure, made the announcement following the filing of its Articles of incorporation with the State of Delaware’s Division of Incorporation. Continue reading

Cool People Now Replacing Z With S

The nation’s social elite are courageously substituting the letter “S” for the letter “Z”, in yet another pioneering stylistic endeavor that will undoubtedly influence the course of human events for the next several generations.

In cutting-edge hipster havens such as Williamsburg Brooklyn, San Francisco’s Mission District, and West Salem, cultural mavens have rapidly embraced the practice, often referred to as “sedding”, as a bold, artistic statement of identity and exclusivity. Continue reading

University Of Scottsdale Offers First Degree Program Via Twitter

For-profit educational upstart the University of Scottsdale will offer the first ever bachelor’s degree program that can be completed entirely through the use of the social media platform Twitter, representatives of the university announced today.

Beginning in June 2013, prospective students can pursue a B.A. in Synergy, with an emphasis in either Applied or Theoretical Synergy, using the popular social media tool. The entire curriculum, including projects, discussions, and exams, will be completed through a combination of tweets, retweets, and judicious hashtag assignment. Continue reading

Phonyon Not Hacked By Syrian Electronic Army

Lack Of Hostility Towards Assad Regime, Crappiness Of Content Cited

The Phonyon, America’s Goodest News Source, was not the victim of a security breach launched by the Syrian Electronic Army, nor would it likely be at any time in the future, alleged representatives of the cabal reported today.

“We, the Syrian Electronic Army, have no intention of attacking The Phonyon, despite it’s professed adoration of the evil, Zionist-fueled propaganda machine,  The Onion, America’s Finest News Source“, hacker Monsour89, who claimed to represent the SEA, posted on several well-known hacker forums. Continue reading