“Carpets” Ripped Out, Exposing “Bare Floors” Reports Local Man

Following a recent encounter with blonde Salem University sophomore Jessica Hansson, fellow student Josh Randle was unable to shed light on the burning question of whether or not “the carpet matched the drapes”.

“It was as smooth as a babies’ bottom down there”, Randle disclosed to an assemblage of disappointed parties at the Sigma Chi house located on Fraternity Row. Continue reading